Weight of the World
Log Info
- Title: Weight of the World
- Emitter: Andelena
- Place: Temple District
- Summary: As Andelena is leaving the Temple of Daeus to go home, she stops as she hears Seldan's weapon, Reunion, tormenting the poor Silverguard with a very vocal (and self-guided) conversation (with itself). What starts off as a conversation between Seldan and Andelena about sentient weapons turns rather quickly to the meaning of strength--and then an emotional barrier falls. Seldan consoles Andelena and promises to teach her all he can about defeating Kol Demontry.
Temple District, evening.
As the doors that lead into the Temple of Daeus doors open, a certain redheaded woman walks out, the comfortable weather cloak wrapped around her billowing out with the chilly wind that rips through the holy district. Her steel-grey eyes narrow as she walks out into the cold, her breath already forming a foggy cloud as she sighs.
"Well, shit," Andelena mutters to herself. "Feels even colder than yesterday. Least Bry's doing okay." She walks out further into the Temple District, following the road that would lead her home as per normal.
Few enough people linger outside in the Temple District in this weather. When the weather improves and spring rolls around, this will be a much busier place, but for now, the plaza outside the Temple doors is empty, with only one or two figures hurrying through it.
A walk out of the plaza and into the quieter sections of the district where Andelena and Dolan make their home reveals, a block or two away from the house, the voice of a youngish woman, a deeper sound.
"He's right, though. Honestly, the man treat you like dirt. Never shows up unless it's something he wants. He's not here to help you. You should just ditch him."
"And how exactly do you propose he do that?" This voice is an older woman, a nasal but kindly sound. "He's pledged to Malik and they've exchanged rings. He can't go back on that now. Now mind you, I don't disagree that he deserves better."
"Well, it doesn't matter, now does it?" The crotchety old man's voice chimes in. "Forget the man and get yourself a good woman, boy. Someone who'll bear you sons."
"We've had this discussion, Kanian," the younger female voice chimes in again. "He's not going to, and if you ask me, he's got a damned good reason why. The Padaryn bloodline is sullied enough with that idiot he calls a father. It doesn't need any more help."
Sitting on a bench in a secluded area, where the voices seem to be coming from, is a very, very quiet Seldan, who resembles nothing so much as a stone pillar in attitude, listening to this discussion in mortified silence, and slowly letting his head sink into his hands.
Andelena's not exactly inclined for gossip. As a Sunguard on patrol, she commonly hears gossip-like lines that people think excuse their lawbreaking actions. But as she gets closer to the argument and she hears that distinctive old man's voice again, she lifts a brow and turns her head...
And there's the Silverguard Seldan, who looks like he's on the cusp of a bad headache. The brow inches up a little more, and Andelena slowly walks over to him. Loud enough to announce her presence, of course, as people generally don't appreciate being snuck up on. "Silverguard, does the sword let you have a moment's rest?" she asks.
The argument continues merrily on for a minute. "Well he's a sight better than that man," the nasally old woman agrees with a sigh, "but an oath is an oath, Kanian."
"Don't be ridiculous, Fallia, this is the bloodline we are talking about here," the old man retorts right back. "Why, I-"
"Enough." Seldan finally cuts in. "Mal is none of the business of the good people who live here." Seldan looks up, and stands up, at Andelena's greeting, and bows politely. "Sunguard, forgive me. Reunion has - opinions on many matters. I should not have permitted it to disrupt you." He very much loops as though he's on the cusp of a bad headache. "To answer your question, they do, at times, permit me peace. Other times is the haversack an option." The promise in his voice is clear.
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Multiple voices explode from the sword at his hip.
"I weary of the discussion, and it is as Fallia says. I shall not abandon Mal, no matter his behavior. You have aired my business to the locals quite enough."
Andelena waves a little in a gesture down to the bench, suggesting he should sit down again. "Don't need to stand on my part, friend," she says. "Just was passing through and wouldn't have said a damn thing until I recognized--what's his name again? Kanian? Older fellow's voice?--from the sword. Figured I'd say hello and... thank you, for the other day."
She lifts up her cloak a little to point to a bag hanging from the belt on her hip. "I got mine stored in there, but the sword doesn't talk. Likes to buzz a lot when I cuss, though."
"You are quite welcome, Sunguard, and Her light upon your path. It is good to see that you are well. Yes, six voices have made themselves known to me, and I suspect that there are more that have not done so." It's at this point, though, that the sword cuts in, in the crotchety old man voice. "Very good, young lady, you've got sharp ears."
"Kanian, enough." With quick, decisive movements, Seldan removes the entire weapon belt, one of several on his hips, and unceremoniously stuffs the lot into the small leather pack at his feet, to a howl of protest from a cacophony of voices that is abruptly silenced. He snaps the drawstring shut on the bag and gestures that Andelena should seat herself, should she wish. "Yours buzzes at you - when you swear, you said?"
Andelena tries, and fails, to suppress a small grin at the whole scene from the time that Kanian calls her ears sharp to the protesting from all the voices as Seldan puts the blade in its place. She takes a seat as Seldan gestures, whistling. "Six voices," she says. "Gods. If mine starts talking, I sure damn hope six voices don't come out of it."
She nods to Seldan's question. "Yup. Buzzes. I also get the sense that it's... opposed to evil. I kind kind of feel it brimming with anticipation whenever I fight something like a demon, and I've fought a lot of those lately, feels like."
"I think that unlikely, my lady." Once Andelena has seated herself, Seldan does the same, still with that quiet, slightly impassive reserve. "Reunion is a blade handed down in my family," he explains. "It is said to hold the souls of everyone that has held or wielded the blade. Certainly it is some of them. I know of others whose weapons have taken on intelligence, but never, save Reunion, have I heard more than one voice."
He turns to regard her steadily. "You can sense its emotion? It grows, then." He does not sound overly troubled by this, merely nods. "Some weapons have a soul that lies within them," he explains, thoughtfully. "It may be new-come to the weapon, or may have been there for many lives of men. All that I have seen - have their own desires, as any mortal does."
"Damn, you got one with all of the voices and none of the peace and quiet," Andelena says, now truly understanding why the poor man was sliding into his hands. "But, ah... You said some weapons have a soul that lies inside of them..."
She looks thoughtful for a moment, probably parsing how to best sort out the question she wants to ask in her head without sounding like she's fallen off her rocker. But then again, the whole situation is odd at best, downright weird at worst, so she goes for broke and asks, "Is there... a way to tell if a sword's got a soul in it? And what kind? I'm a Sunguard, so I want to know if whatever's in my sword is... Y'know, a soul, it's there of its own free will and it's not trapped in there. Kind of against my principles if it's locked in there."
If the question is weird, Seldan appears to take in stride, but then, the man appears to take just about everything in stride. "Ask the Draco Solis to show you the presence of evil," he advises gently. "Well do I understand your concern, and yet do I think it unlikely that your blade is a thing of evil, if it is as you say, and it relishes the banishing of demons. Reunion does the same," he adds with a sudden, boyish grin. "Still, even if it cannot speak, you say that it vibrates. If it is intelligent, it may be possible to establish a means to communicate with the blade - a yes or no might suffice you. Perhaps it may vibrate once in your hand for an affirmative, and twice for a negative, perhaps?"
Andelena looks pleased by the grin that Seldan wears--there's a brief nostalgic twinkle in her eye for a moment--which turns to a softer smile as he suggests the test. "That's... honestly, yeah, that's pretty straightforward," she says. "I wasn't worried about it being evil, per se. Just that it had someone's soul that was trapped that shouldn't be trapped."
She thinks on it for a moment more. "Buzz once for yes, buzz twice for no. You know. That might work. Might honestly work. I'd be interested to see how it pans out. If you don't mind me asking, how did you come to have Reunion? Did you hear the voices right away, or no?"
"A worthy question to ask," Seldan agrees. "As to Reunion - " He turns his face towards the larger district, silence falling, and his eyes lower. "My situation was - complicated. It made itself known to me at once, but - I was very ill at the time, and was overwhelmed by all of the voices within. I - awoke three days later." His tone remains even and steady, matter of fact, and yet somehow it is clear - this was not easy. "They - taught me much in that time, things that even now, I do not consciously recall, and yet do I ask, I might find it."
He draws a deep breath, and releases it slowly, turning back to her. "I think it unlikely that you will find yourself in such a situation."
Seeing the careful way that Seldan replies to her comments, Andelena gently nods, looking at him with a softer gaze than before. "It sounds like it was a rough time," she says. "I doubt anything like that would happen to me, no--but that's because it seems like stuff like that happens to my man more frequently than me. Sometimes, luck is cruel like that."
She sighs a little, leaning back into the bench. "You know, you... try to get stronger, try to do more, try to prepare for the worst, but then it turns out despite your best intentions and preparations, it still isn't enough. You find yourself questioning what 'strength' looks like, what 'preparing' looks like, and wonder if you were wrong about all of that."
The Sunguard waves off her last comment. "Anyway. Sorry. That's totally unrelated--just been on my mind lately."
Seldan's serious, thoughtful regard follows Andelena as she moves, a steady and open thing that does not judge, merely listens. "Strength of arms is but one of many strengths, Sunguard. It is no bad thing, and yet does it not alone take down the evils of the world. Strength of wit, strength of soul, and strength of will - all of these are of equal value. Do you rise to the call, when disaster strikes, then are you strong, even if all you do is hold a hand. You have done what is needful, and set ease and convenience aside, to do what is right by others. That is a strength all its own, and from what I have seen, you do not lack."
Andelena takes in Seldan's words and looks thoughtful as he speaks. There's a moment where he finishes and she nods--just once, at first, but then twice. "You're right," she says. "There are different kinds of strength. I guess I always... knew that, but the kind that mattered to me was being able to defeat evil. To win at anything so long as I had my faith and my sword. But Bry--my man--he withstands so much more than I do. He is stronger than I am, in a lot of respects. So many respects."
She sighs a little. "He... He doesn't deserve what's happened to him. This isn't the first time he's been hurt so severely, but it's the first time I've been with him through something like this, and I... I always kind of quietly thought, 'I'd rather it be me than him if something like that ever happened again.' Because the thing about love is that you'd rather the one you love not go through pain like that. Or at least--that's how it is for me."
"Many are the means by which evil may be defeated, Sunguard, and not all require a sword." Again, Seldan's tone is gentle. "Watching one you love suffer is a horror beyond words, and I pray for his swift recovery." The words are gravely and honestly said. "It is not for us to decide what befalls us, though. It is for us only to decide what we shall do in response. "I would have you remember that the hunt is not yet done, and shall not be until Kol Demontry is no more. That have I sworn to do, and that shall I see done. Kol will not stop at Wilderness Pointe. Be you always ready, does he dare the city."
He pauses a moment when he is done speaking, and tucks his swordsman's gloves into his belt, then offers both of his sword-calloused hands to her, wordlessly.
Andelena's eyes half-close as she breathes in and out. The reminder that Kol is out there sags her shoulders a little more for having it there more consciously on her head. "I know," she says, and she reaches out to take the hands offered to her, squeezing them. "Believe me. I can't forget Kol no matter how hard I try. I have to see what what he did to the man I love every day. I have to watch him screaming as he wakes up, and I have to watch him slip far away where my voice can't reach him when he is reminded of that fucking--"
Seldan's hands are squeezed, a little hard, but Andelena relents quickly. She shakes her head. "Sorry," she says, quietly. "It's... a lot to bear. A lot to carry. It's why Zeke started sending me off on breaks to go do something besides help him care for Bry."
The hands get a strong squeeze in response, and Seldan's gaze is serious, his eyes lowering in response to that pain. He draws a deep breath, then releases it. "There is a secret, that only those who have been broken know," he murmurs. "We who have reached them, we who care for them, learn half of it." Something in his tone is faraway, as if remembering. "By that much knowledge, may we heal them, aid them, so long as one never forgets that it is not the secret entire that one has knowledge of."
"They are not where they were. You do not know where they are, but only they may discover the key that unlocks the door of their prison. If you would help them find that key, listen to them. Offer them your hand. They know what they need, and with your guidance, they will find their road again, pick up their pieces. They will not return to the same place they were when they left, and that is well enough."
"For now, if you would relieve your husband's suffering - see to it that his tormentor never touches him again. Will you aid me in this?"
Andelena listens to every single word he says. As he speaks, the beginnings of small tears find their way up to the edges of her eyes, but she does not interrupt him or speak--not until the last remark, the last question. Her hands subtly shake in his.
"I want to break Kol Demontry and show Bry that I may fail at protecting him--but I can at least take out the things that hurt him. That I can at least do that. If I can't be strong enough to save him from pain ever again--if I can't be strong enough to take the blows that he doesn't deserve--that I can at least slay the monsters who hurt him." The tears spill down her face. "I'm not the all-powerful sword of the Knight and I don't know if I could ever be, because I'm just one woman--but if I can kill monsters to relieve his suffering, I'll be just one inch happier with myself."
She pauses a little, before she adds, "Please help me, Sir Seldan. Please--teach me."
The pain in Andelena's eyes strikes Seldan to his soul, and his eyes close against the weight of it. Instead of speaking, though, he simply reaches to pull her close against his shoulder, despite him being an inch or two shorter than her. Words are of no use here, and well he knows it. "I shall teach you what I may," he murmurs. "The rites of the Draco Solis are not unknown to me." He lets it trail off there, merely letting her decide whether she wishes to be held and for how long.
Andelena accepts the motion, her face finding purchase in his shoulder, and for a time there--she does let it out. The sobs, the tears, the crying she ordinarily doesn't show--can't show, in some ways--to people come out of her. She doesn't cling to him, but she remains close for a time.
Until finally, she lifts herself up and away, drying her tears from reddened eyes as she sniffles a few more times here and there. "Thank you," she says. "I'm--I'm sorry. That came out of me all at once. I... I haven't had much room to talk, or vent, or cry, or... anything. And it's so easy to feel so damn powerless when it all builds up like that."
"You have nothing to apologize for," Seldan answers in low tones, releasing her without question when she pulls away. "Your burdens are many, and it is a wound in the heart to watch those close to you suffer, retreat from you, into their own private hell. A word would I offer you, on this matter." He draws a breath, then releases it. "Zeke's actions are colored by his own suffering. At times may my kin not be able to offer your husband what he needs or asks for. If that be so, do not hesitate to do what is needful. Do you understand?"
GAME: Andelena rolls Sense Motive: (14)+11: 25 (to inform pose)
Andelena... seems to catch something else in Seldan's words, but she nods gently, looking into his blue eyes as he asks the question. Her sniffles have largely stopped and her tears have gone dry, leaving her with the redness of her eyes as evidence of the release of emotions--as the steel-grey irises are filled with a sense of understanding.
"I do," she says. "I understand. There's... only some things that I can do for him, I think."
"Do not hesitate," Seldan repeats gently, gaze serious, intent, and open. "Touch is difficult for Zeke, though less so than it once was. As to how I may be of aid to you.- this must I warn you. I am hunted by the llyranesi." It's a statement of fact. "I keep a low profile within the city walls, and at times may I not appear to be myself. I shall aid you, when you seek it. You need but leave a message for me at the Dreamer's temple, although it may be a day or two ere I receive it. My focus must needs be the destruction of Kol Demontry, for as I have said, the dead need no more company. In this shall I teach you as much as I know. For know this - none of us are so mighty as all of us. We shall work together, and together shall we move mountains."
Andelena looks a little surprised at the mention of the llyranesi hunting him--but the information about how to find him quickly wipes that off her face. "Easy enough for me to go to Eluna's temple," she says. "In the event I need and want to reach you, which... I will."
She looks a little more confident, nodding more firmly. "I feel better," she says. "Knowing that... I'm not alone, and that I at least have a way forward. Even if I have to trouble you to help me to do it."
"There is no shame in needing help, Sunguard." Seldan's gaze wanders away, and to the cobblestones beneath the bench at their feet, just briefly, then back up. "We are each of us but one, but none of us are alone. For this is the true strength of the Light, that we are here to lend one another a hand. It is the nature of evil to divide against itself, and that is the Light's greatest advantage."
He stands, then, and picks up his pack, offering her a hand to stand. "It is unsafe for me to remain overlong in one place. If you feel that you can move-"
Andelena takes the hand offered to her and rises to her feet from the bench, giving Seldan a small smile. "Yeah, I can," she says. "My ass isn't glued to the bench, thank the gods. Besides, I was kind of headed home in the first place."
She gestures in the direction of her apartment with Dolan. "My apartment with Bry's over there. I've got a couple of little ladies to feed." She pauses only a moment before she elaborates, "They're kittens. They're probably going to maul my legs when I step in through the door, and I love them for it."
The Sunguard grins widely in an expression that suits her face. "I'd invite you over, Seldan, but... it's kind of a mess, and after everything that's happened, it's nice to have a place to come home that's just me, Bry, and the cats' to have."
Andelena helps him up from the bench--if he wants it--and lets go of his hand thereafter. Her steel-grey eyes are full of conviction again. "But you're right. We're not alone. I'm not alone, Bry's not alone, Zeke's not alone, and you're not alone. So long as we don't make ourselves that way. And I sure as shit am not about to let evil win so easily."
"Good. Keep that always with you, Sunguard, and there is nothing you cannot conquer." Seldan inclines his head, the boyish grin.- a relatively rare thing, as it turns out - suddenly blooming across his face. He has already stood from the bench, and thus needs no assistance. "Worry not. I depart the city as it is, and should not linger. Her light upon your path, Sunguard, and I am at your service, to do what I may."
"I won't keep you any longer, then," Andelena replies, still grinning--if a touch wider to see him grinning, too. "Brightest of days, Silverguard."
She gives him another wave and turns on her heel, walking a bit further to reach her apartment door. The last that's heard of the Sunguard's a faint, "Hi babies! Ouch, hey! Watch the needle-claws!" among a chorus of kitten-mews.