Free Soup

The outskirts of the village of Redglen, the Heartlands, Alexandros, mid-day.

The blue sky overhead is a nice balm for the absolutely heat-hazed weather that's happening in the Heartlands this fine day. The first day of Firetide is a scorcher. Gone are the pleasant days of spring, given way to summer in full force.

It's a great time to go investigating a strange happening. Rumor has it that there's a great 'tree-cauldron' outside of Redglen, a small village by a forest (built, as the name would imply, by a glen close to the forest). Supposedly, the tree-cauldron grants minor miracles to anyone who tastes the soup. A serving maid to a noblewoman in the Nobles' District of Alexandria excitedly told the Tribune about how she went all the way out to Redglen on a day off to drink the soup, and now she can lace her lady's corsets perfectly on the first try, no matter how tightly the noblewoman wants it. The article had also quoted a shoemaker in Alexandria, who said that he drank the soup and he woke up every morning afterwards with all the shoes in his shop perfectly laced.

Which means that Redglen has become a minor curiosity, and a makeshift sign (hastily cobbled together from driftwood and chiseled somewhat poorly into it) directs people right to the great Tree-Cauldron of Redglen...

It's just a tree stump.

A tree-stump with leaves and an oddly red liquid in it.

It's free soup.

Ulthan had finished a message dispatch, having come to Redglen with some missives to local functinaries, and got curious when he heard of the commotion caused by the tree-cauldron, and has now come to take a look, spotting few familiar and less familiar faces around.

Carver has partially disconnected.

It's not that Khepri doesn't believe in miracles. It just tends to be a bit suspicious of ones that don't come with a signature -- obscure, or blatant.

And that's why there's a Vardamen inquisitor walking into the village, long legs carrying it without any fuss. The golem's yellow eyes inspect the tree stump, and the red liquid of extremely questionable provenance.

"It looks like the tomato soup Brother Jandel made the other night." The female voice comes from the heavy khopesh belted at Khepri's waist. "Pretty sure Jandel wouldn't serve his soup in a tree stump though."

Khepri makes a nonverbal sound of agreement, resting its thumb on the sword's pommel absently. The Executor tilts its head, walking back and forth a bit, studying the stump first.

"I don't think I brought enough crackers." Skyler Skywalker, Gentleman Adventurer, is standing slightly to the side, head tilted at an angle as he squints at the tree stump. First the tilt is to the left, then the tilt is to the right. He frowns, and straightens up before popping the lapels of his greatcoat to settle it more comfortably, and twirls the spoon he's holding in one hand.

To Khepri and his sword, he adds, "I went to a fete once where the theme was based around a midsummer in the forest. They served a chilled oak soup in a tree stump." He scratches his jaw, "It kinda got gritty. But the flavor was nice. Crackers?" And he reaches into his jacket with his free hand, pulling out a paper bag full of pale, octagon pieces of puffy pastry, with bits of salt cooked in.

Deathless is here. Carver is nowhere in sight. The red horse with the distinctive saddle and spiderweb-barding might be familiar enough to be recognized at a glance as it strides into the glen. It seems to be struck by an inquisitive mood, following the signs and leads to this rare bounty.

Bryn is taking some time to explore a bit more around Alexandros. You know, now that there aren't (as many?) murderins or dead risin or other sorts of weird stuff goin on there. Seems alot less when it's not right in front of you, at least! She's also heard a bit about this place, probably fourth- or fifth-hand. Something about drinking stuff, miraculous, and free; all of which are usually great things.

Finding out it's soup is a bit of a surprise, but it's not a total loss. "Huh..." Bestides, there are a few familiar faces here. Speaking of, she turns her good eye towards Skyler with his twirling spoon and pocket crackers. "Ye know what's goin on, or always gotta spoon in yer pocket?"

"I *was* born with a silver spoon." Skyler tells Bryn with a wink, "Be kinda wasteful not to keep it on me, y'know? Besides, it makes a good shovel or shiv in a pinch."

As there are people gathering around the stump, something odd happens. The voice of a wisened old woman seems to come from within it. "Come, good peoples, and drink of the Tree-Cauldron of Redglen." She sounds like a nice old woman. Would a tree in the woods with free soup ever do anything bad to you? Especially with a voice like that? Surely not.

"I mean, I've heard not to trust strangers with candy, but no one mentioned anything about *soup*." Skyler says cheerfully to the lady, "And you look honest. Old people don't get old by doing stupid shit. So are we raw-dogging the soup from the stump, or are there bowls...?" He pauses, and adds after a glance over at Deathless, "And is this safe for horses?"

GAME: Skyler rolls sense motive: (20)+14: 34

GAME: Skyler rolls perception: (16)+14: 30

GAME: Ulthan rolls sense motive: (17)+5: 22

Oh, of course, nothing bad ever happens from talking objects of unknown provenance. Though Khepri's not saying that, not with Kastuvas hanging from its belt. Instead, the inquisitor starts with the normal tests. It turns to look at Skyler for a moment, "There was a story about an unwise fighter who declared how there was 'only one way' to determine what a potion was, and simply drank it. He almost died. It is much better to examine first before imbibing."

With that, the yellow lenses of the golem's plague-doctor faceplate shift color to green, as it studies the tree stump. "Hm. I sense no outright malevolence here..."

Kastuvas quips, "Bet you five gold this is just an elaborate Tarienite prank. Hey, pretty boy!" She must be referring to Skyler. "Want to take the wager? Khepri's good for it."

Deathless is drawn to this caring voice. To the sweet scent wafting from the stump. The powerful steed bends her head to sniff.

Huff-Huff.

She gives a shake of her head, tossing her mane, and just as Skyler is wondering about the safety of the ranger's companion drinking from the bounty.

Lick-Lick. Deathless name is probably about to be put to the test.

"Hey, you only live once." Skyler says to the Inquisitor of Vardama, holding his spoon carefully between two fingers to shoot finger guns at Khepri, buddy-Christ style, "Besides, I prefer to live my life as a race to the finish line, not a marathon."

He pauses, his pale grey-green eyes narrowing ever so slightly as he glances from crone to stump and back up again. He steps forward, and nudges a rock against the stump with his foot, attempting to roll it away from the stump. "So what's the secret? Fairy jizz, magic rocks, or virgin bathwater filtered through a goat's intestines?" He asks, cocking his head at the crone.

Skyler pauses, and adds, "You think I'm pretty? Awww. Thanks, sword! But no deal. Granny's acting is worse than my first girlfriend when she told me she loved me."

Bryn gives Skyler a tusky grin at his life-pacing, followed by a hearty swat to his shoulder. "Ha! That's the way ta-" then she pauses after his pause. Blinks. "Say wha, now?" She looks from him to the lady, and back. Back again.

Ulthan uses the haft of his flail as a walking cane, which seems to have been a design feature, as he leans by. "Well, what our impulsive friend here is saying, this granny certainly isn't as old as she is presenting here..."

"Ohhhh, good!" The old woman's voice croons from within the stump as Deathless approaches and licks the 'soup'.

Deathless's fur suddenly becomes quite glossy. Like the horse has had a fresh bath and has had the finest oils applied to the skin and hair, like a nobleman's prized horse might be pampered.

Minor miracles, indeed.

"Haha, what secret, dearie--" the old woman's voice begins, but then Skyler nudges away the rock, and a little scream comes from within the stump. "HEY! PUT THAT BACK!" cries a much younger-sounding, shrill voice, but then she coughs and adopts the old woman voice again. "I mean--put that back, or there will be no minor miracle for _you_ when you drink the soup!"

Where the rock once was is a little hole in the stump, maybe about four inches high. It looks rather like a crawlspace. Or a mousehole of some kind.

There is a sharp whistle.

Carver appears to the edge of the glen just as Deathless has her glow-up. The horse gives a majestic shake of its mane, sunlight glistening off her coat, before proudly model-trotting over to the ranger. Who takes one look at the very obvious signs of something, some enchantment, and whose frown could sour any milk. Even as Deathless bumps her affectionately to soothe.

"Who did this to her?" Violence shivers through the tone.

"Wow," Kastuvas remarks cheekily, "Suddenly grandma here sounds a lot more like me. Clearly, a minor miracle."

As Khepri hunkers down to peer at the hole revealed, he golem raises one finger, almost like a teacher. "I am thinking," it intones. "I do not need to drink the soup, and my companion does not either. I am merely concerned as to the provenance of these miracles."

Kastuvas lets out a big heaving sigh. "I admit, that's something I miss. Simmering broth, with fresh vegetables." At Carver's entrance, though, the sword twitches in its sheath. "Uh, big guy? Heads up."

Ulthan reacts to the 'Big Guy' from the sword and straightens up from where he was leaning forward to see the hole revealed by Skyler's antics.

"Your acting sucks. I'm pretty sure that wart on your nose is made of pastry." Skyler says absently to the 'old' lady as he crouches down to peer into the hole. He tucks his spoon behind his ear and reaches into his jacket for a small little grey stone that begins to glow. He holds it up to the hole, peering inside. "I can do the same thing with some minor prestidigitation or a curry comb." He doesn't react at the new arrival, except to add, "We'd never hurt Deathless, Carver. She's the glue that holds us together." Skyler tells the ranger absently from where he crouches ass-up, peering in the small hole, "Well. Maybe not the literal *glue*. Not yet, at least. But when she dies, we can boil her hooves..."

Rude.

He adds to Khepri, "I mean, I'm not ruling the soup out even if she is faking her age. Women do it all the damn time, even if they usually lie the other way. Hey!" He knocks on the stump, "Anyone in there? Ulthan, can you shrink yourself and go check inside, or can you just enlarge yourself?"

Bryn has disconnected.

Ulthan shakes his head, rumbling his answer to the swashbuckler. "Unfortunately, my bag of party tricks is rather limited, I can only puff myself up."

With light in hand, Skyler can actually peer into the stump's hole, and he sees...

A little pixie woman, maybe six inches high, holding a wand that's about as big as she is. She's hunkered down in the stump and looks at Skyler with wide all-black eyes, like the other pixies Skyler has met before. Her bright green hair goes in waves down her back, and she has a rather vibrant flower-petal dress that matches the green color of her wings and hair.

"I do _NOT_ have a wart! I am _beautiful_!" The pixie shrieks at Skyler. "Go away! I'm just making people happy with this funny little wand I was given!"

There's a long pause from Khepri, and then a slightly metallic sigh. Well, no smiting today, it seems. The golem turns to look at Skyler, and the others. "This does not warrant the attention of the Harpist," Khepri intones.

Kastuvas, on the other hand, is still talking. "Hey, let's settle down now. Start over. What can we call you, little faerie? I'm called Kastuvas. It's really good that you're doing nice things for people, but there's been so much bad people get suspicious. Don't be upset."

Carver just squints as everyone remains squatting around the stump, peering down into it like treasure can be found. The high-pitched complaints only urge her to come closer, with Colleen Deathless preening at her heels.

"What are you doing? I can't see around Skyler's giant ass."

Ulthan steps aside to let Carver join the gallery. "A fairy of some kind, trying to be nice to people."

"It's not giant, it's *fat*." Skyler says, shooting a glare over said badonkadonk, "Besides the sword said I'm pretty." So there.

The important issue resolved, Skyler turns back to the pixie, "I mean, it didn't look like a wart, but I figured that was what you were going for." Beat. "So is the soup safe? Wanna come out? I got oyster crackers." And he reaches into his coat, pulling the paper bag out and setting it on the ground.

He tosses a few into the hole, and straightens up, like he's leaving a trail for the pixie to follow out. To the others, he says, "I totally called it. Fairy shit! Maybe I'm a prophet."

The pixie blinks once at Skyler through the stump-hole, seemingly bewildered. "You mean... You're _not_ gonna eat me?" she asks. "The lady who gave me this wand said I should hide because pixies are like, gourmet food to the big mortal people. I knew I shouldn't trust her! Who goes around distributing wands of tiny miracles to little old pixies!?"

She takes one of the little crackers and nibbles it. "OH SHIT. This is _good_!" she says. With her mouth full, she says, "Oh, the soup's actually a tea. It's got leaves in it that are mildly medicinal. Notice how nobody's got an upset tummy after drinking it?"

Once the oyster cracker is finished, she crawls out of the space, dragging the wand about as big as she is with her. "Hi! I am the pixie of the Tree-Cauldron. My name is Parthenocissus Quinquefolia. Most people call me Quin for short!" She beams. The wand in hand, now that people can get a better look at it, is an oddly gnarled shape.

<OOC> Carver says, "Can I determine what wood the wand is made from with knowledge/nature?"

<OOC> Riptide says, "Yup! Roll it! :D"

<OOC> Khepri says, "Can I use detect magic and spellcraft to identify the wand? :)"

GAME: Carver rolls knowledge/nature+4: (20)+16+4: 40

<OOC> Riptide says, "Yuppers! :D"

GAME: Khepri rolls spellcraft: (5)+12: 17

<OOC> Khepri says, "Reroll."

Ulthan waves at Quin as she emerges from her hidey-hole. "I think I'll call you 'Short' pretty one."

"Pixie's are a little too scrawny for eating." Skyler says knowingly as he pops a cracker in his mouth, "Everyone knows you grind up the wings and snort'm with a straw." Beat, and he adds, "I'm joking. It was just that once, and it was an trick by some goblins. So if it's not soup, do you have teacups for it?" He purses his lips, and pulls the spoon from behind his ear, dipping it into the tree trunk and taking a sip, "This isn't gunna steal my shadow or poison me, is it Quinny? Last time I got food or drink from a stranger, it was poisoned baklava and I had to kill them with it."

"A wand scrapped from an elder tree, that grows mostly in the Great Green or near where the world's divide is thin." Carver says, crossing her arms in irritation. "It is good that you are cute, Pixie, because iffin' you were not..." She trails off as she considers Deathhoof for Cuties.

"Mm. Anyway. Do you remember the woman who gave you the wand?"

Khepri looks kind of blankly at Quin (although that could be a default expression). "While it is not impossible, most mortals balk because of the possible repercussions to such acts. It is considered morally repugnant at best." A pause. "Interestingly, there is much less stigma attached to intimate relations with fey entities, though it has its own risks--"

Kastuvas pipes up at this point, "Ah, yeah, we get it, Khepri. Let's... just drop the question. What's the wand -do-, anyways? It seems a little more pronounced than just a simple spell."

The golem regards the wand, studying it with a careful eye. "It... is very similar to more powerful, world-changing magics. But it lacks their power. Small things, nudges of good fortune and favor." Khepri glances at Carver. "If it came from a place near a Way, where there were paths between Quelynos and Ea, that would make sense."

Quin--or Quinny, as Skyler is calling her--looks at Ulthan for a moment with a look of consternation. "'Pretty one'? I mean, yeah, I am pretty, but like... I'm all the way down here and you're all the way up there, and I'm not interested regardless. I'm sure there's a nice lady your size out there! Or taller! If you're into that." Apparently she doesn't get bothered about any man in her vicinity, like other pixies might. (Somewhere, Lily-of-the-Valley is violently sneezing.)

She looks at Sklyer and beams. "Nope! I made the tea with honey and other good stuff. Nobody's gonna get sick from my soup." Although Quinny scratches at her cheek a little. "Although, I really don't know why people started calling it soup. Mortal soups must be kind of fucked up if you all just look at a tree stump with red liquid in it and go, 'soup'..."

The subject then turns to the wand, and Quinny blinks as she holds it aloft for the mortals to look at. (Although they still have to look down quite a long way.) "A nereid lady gave it to me. She said she was cleaning out her lady's house--and then she cried about some guy who didn't love her or something--and then gave me the wand. I think her name was... Oh! Lady Sura."

Carver's eyes nearly roll out of her head.

Ulthan smiles down at Quin. "Well, I can call you pretty without intending to do anything about it, little one."

"I mean, it's no worse than looking at a cow's tits and going 'I want that inside me'." Skyler says to Quin urbanely, "I prefer oat milk, personally. Oats don't make uncomfortable eye contact when I yank on them to get the milk."

But then Lady Sura is mentioned, and Skyler coughs, 'soup' spluttering all over the fairy, "Wha? That itty bitty titty bitch?!" He says, scowling, "Gods of my father, she needs to get *laid*. Ulthan, I have a mission for you, if you're feeling feisty."

Ulthan peers at Skyler. "I am not really feisty, or even feeling feisty. I don't know this 'Lady Sura', but I take it you've had some run-ins?"

"Yeah, well, lay back and think of Ea." Skyler tells Ulthan with a shake of his head, glancing towards Carver to see if she also recognizes the name.

"She... feels a yearning for someone who is not returning these feelings," Carver says. "Her nature, and perhaps even more-so her 'nature', means she is having difficulty accepting this fact. It's a long story, but in short, a local lord who you perhaps have done a job for in the past has commandered the yearnin' from a number of noble Unseelie. His presence in their kingdom has alighted some old prejudice, on top of their new Queen, and members of the court have been acting out against mortals. Some, like this Lady Sura, do not seem to be causing harm. Others?"

She shrugs. "As to why she cannot move on, but insist upon torturing herself like this? I cannot say."

The name means nothing to Khepri or Kastuvas, though that doesn't mean much. The world is vast, after all. Instead, the golem shrugs. "It is not my concern. There are stranger things. A week ago I bore witness to the use of a holy relic of Althea to heal a wounded man." The golem considers, then continues, "The relic was a small potted cactus. Help comes in many forms."

Kastuvas speaks up, "What this big metal lug means is that doing good deeds for people is a nice thing, and he's not going to take the wand or tell you to stop. It's a tough world out there; it needs more people doing the right thing."

"Actually, can we trade for the wand?" Carver asks. It might be a surprise.

Ulthan says, “If the Lady is as smitten with this nobleman as you say, why do you think a big lug from the mountains could woo her off her feet? Or flippers?”

Quinny shrugs. "To be honest, I kind of tuned out a lot. She did seem really unhappy. But it's not really any of my business!"

When Carver asks for a trade, Quinny seems to think about it for a moment. "You know... You sound like you know the Lady. And I'm getting kind of tired of making 'soup' every day. I think I'm going to retire from tree-cauldron duties! And in return..."

She flies up, puts the wand in Carver's hand, and then says, "Yours now! Be responsible with it! Make people happy! Maybe if you meet Lady Sura again one day, you can make her happy!"

And so Quin flies off.