Cleiuin's Confession

The Temple of Gilead, afternoon.

The Temple of Gilead is a place of rest and kindness for animal and person alike. Farmers often come to the Temple with their injured livestock, shepherd dogs, and barn cats, and today, as Thurid walks in, there's a farmer holding a long-haired tortoiseshell cat, who is purring away in his arms as a cleric of Gilead pets the cat. It's a sight that makes one smile.

The cleric of Gilead, after seeing the cat (and cat attendant) off, leads Thurid into the Temple, where the quarters can be found for clerics, clerics-in-training, and visitors. Cleiuin is, for the moment, a visitor, and when Thurid comes to her door and is let in, the violet-eyed woman with a feather mark on her cheek looks a little bit healthier. "Good afternoon," Cleiuin says. She's wearing some borrowed clerical robes, but her armor, sword, bow, and quiver are hanging from the walls.

Thurid herself is wearing the rough brown cassock of Angorite's faithful- no gleaming golden mail beneath it today, nor any bold icons of faith- though she does have her holy symbol dangling from an iron chain about her neck. She offers a broad smile at those she passes on the way in- she doesn't often have cause to visit this temple. It's not that she has anything against animals or Gilead's faithful- only that her devotion lies elsewhere. Even so, she pauses to offer a nod to the Cleric, and thank them for allowing her to have this meeting here, then follows along to Cleiuin's room. She offers the woman a smile and a dip of her head. "Good afternoon to you as well. You are looking better." she says right away. She does cast her glance towards the armaments up on the wall, and nods to herself but doesn't comment on them. "Might I come in?" she asks.

"Of course," Cleiuin says, and she backs into the small room, sitting down at a very small table that's clearly supposed to be a desk. There's a second chair awkwardly placed next to it. There's pieces of parchment that have letters clumsily written onto it. "Don't mind the clutter. One of the clerics here has been teaching me how to read and write. I could write my own name before, but it looked horrible."

She takes a seat and says, "I've been helping the clerics here and there with the animals that come in. I'm not a healer... but I'm trying." There's somewhat of an awkward expression on Cleiuin's face. "What brings you by?"

Thurid smiles and shakes her head at the apologies for the clutter. "I grew up somewhere much like this, I remember learning my letters in much the same way. Though I was a real handful, always dodging the sisters to go climbing trees or swimming." she says as she points towards the scattered notes. She glances about, and decides to settle- carefully- into the second chair. It creaks, but doesn't collapse under her. "It's good- that's good, that you're making amends." she says to the other woman. "It's an important part of healing, I think." she adds.

She pauses for a moment before she answers the question, "Well, I wanted to talk." she says, and then shrugs. "Or maybe give you the chance to talk. Maybe a bit of both." she says and offers another smile- she's aiming for reassuring. "I've found... that another thing that can help with healing, is to speak about what went wrong. I know you gave us something of an explanation on the way back from Isobar but..." she rubs the back of her neck as she considers her words. "Well, what I'm trying to say is- if you want to unburden yourself, I've broad shoulders. I'm not here to offer forgiveness- it's not my place, you've not wronged me and you are already working towards it, here. But nor shall I offer judgement. Simply an ear, and perhaps advice."

Cleiuin pauses in consideration, looking at Thurid for a long moment. She seems to chew on her bottom lip as she does so, maybe a habit learned from having to physically restrain herself from talking before she thinks things through. The life of an orphan can be an unkind thing. "I'd appreciate that," she says finally, and then her eyes gesture over to the bed in the corner of her small room. "Mind if I lay down in bed? I think it might work better if I'm... staring at the ceiling and not at someone else. If that makes any sense."

Thurid gestures over to the bed. "Of course, whatever makes you comfortable." she says, and waits as Cleiuin gets herself settled. "Whenever you're ready you can start talking about... whatever you like, really. Anything you want to get off your chest. It doesn't matter if you feel like it's major or minor- if it's weighing on you, it's weighing on you, and that's what matters." she tells her as she shuffles a little bit closer- just enough that they can speak softly and still hear one another.

"My own god, Angoron, teaches that we should grow stronger, but also we should help to bear the burdens of those who struggle. You may grow stronger by bearing them, perhaps, but if they are too heavy they will crush you before you have the chance. So there is nothing wrong with accepting a helping hand." she explains, and then settles back quiet, to let Cleiuin begin in her own time.

Cleiuin nods to Thurid's words. "I think you're probably right, even if I've never been one to closely follow any of the gods." She walks over to her bed and lies down on it, staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments of breathing, she finally begins.

"All my life, I just wanted someone to love me." Cleiuin says this, and her voice shakes on the last two words. "I used to see the knights who would take me in as a squire as sort of a replacement parent. They would take care of me, but they'd put me aside after a while. I made the mistake of calling the last one I served 'Father', right after he'd told me how he lost his daughter in an accident, because I thought... You know, maybe we were family. But the next morning, he ordered me out of his service."

She takes a shaky breath as she goes on. "I became an adult after that, but I was still lost and alone. The Rook found me then. He offered to become my family, and I leapt at the chance. But he tried to get me to participate in his... really disgusting games. He liked destroying couples and families and eating the corpses. He had me watch once..."

Cleiuin goes silent. "Sorry," she says, trying to gather herself.

Thurid remains quiet as Cleiuin speaks, elbows on her knees as she listens and allows the other woman to speak without interruption. When Cleiuin pauses, Thurid waits- not pushing her to continue. Eventually, though, she does shake her head. "There's no need to be sorry, take as much time as you need." she explains then, "And you don't need to go into detail, if it is too painful. If it will help you, though, I promise I am not squeamish." she adds.

"And, know this- I cannot blame you for falling under a creature like the Rook's influence. It would be hubris to assume oneself immune to such manipulation- as I myself learned." she offers, but doesn't continue- she's lending her ear.

"It happened to you?" Cleiuin asks with a surprised glance, turning her head to look back in the direction of Thurid. Those violet eyes are utterly surprised. "I mean... You're a cleric of Angoron. It kind of feels like you're... invincible, almost? But that's not realistic. People are still people." And even stories abound of the gods getting into mischief, like Tarien's many pranks on his siblings and parents.

Thurid nods her head then, and she leans back into her seat a bit. "It did. It was only brief, but I was seduced by a fiend." she tells Cleiuin then and rubs the back of her neck again. "She turned me against my friends and allies. I was prepared to kill them, or to die in the attempt. And in that moment, I relished the thought." she admits then. "My friends brought me back, though, and I thank Angoron that they did so before I brought them harm. I was fortunate- and you were not, and that is unfair." she says frankly and openly. "Besides, I wouldn't want to be invincible. Life is about overcoming challenges, and if there are no challenges to overcome, then it seems to me life would be poorer for it." She explains.

Cleiuin sits with that thought for a moment, looking at Thurid before she shifts to look back up at the ceiling. "That's a different perspective," she admits. "It feels like I've spent so long of my life wanting what other people had--or so it seemed--that I'd do anything to _not_ have obstacles in my life. Yet I can't deny that I've become physically strong because of my circumstances... And the horrible things I've witnessed, and the horrible things I've done."

She takes in a breath. "The clerics keep saying there's not really any way to bring back all the animals I killed in my mad attempt to get the Rook to notice me. I've already done the damage to the ecosystem. Some have had months to adjust, and new predators might have set up camp. Those owlbears I've killed might have a nest already with more babies. It's hard to live with the thought that I've done so much damage out of my own... selfishness. Because it is selfish. To want a family. At least... it is for me. Other people get them, but... I don't."

Thurid smiles a bit wanly, "Perhaps I can only say that because I have overcome them. It's a different perspective, yes, but I'm a different person. I don't expect everyone to feel the same way. Everyone follows their own path through life." She glances up towards the armaments on the wall. "I saw you've kept your arms, is that a new sword or did you have it reforged?" She wonders, but then continues. "That's good, I think. Weapons can be used to protect as well as to destroy." and then she falls quiet as Cleiuin continues.

She shakes her head then, and closes her eyes. "No, it's never selfish to want such a thing." she says then, and reaches out to touch Cleiuin on the shoulder, if she allows it. "You are right, the damage is done. It can't be undone, this much is true as well." she says then. "But your desire for a family? That was not selfish, is not selfish. And is not beyond your reach. At least, it doesn't need to be. I... think, you should perhaps visit the guild here in the city. Meet with some of the other adventurers. You will see, I think, that all manner of people can call one another family. Blood and circumstance matter little when it comes to forging true bonds."

"It's a new sword," Cleiuin admits. "I gave the old shattered sword to a blacksmith and bought a new one off of him. I didn't want to use something that I'd used to... kill so many animals. Maybe one day, I'll try and become a knight for someone else again--because it's all I know how to do--so that's why I kept my armor."

She looks up at Thurid touching her shoulder, allowing the Angorite to touch her there. "There's Auranar," she says gently. "She said it was possible we were cousins. Maybe I should... reach out to her. It's just hard because... What if I'm inserting myself into a family that's perfectly fine without me? What if I ruin everything by just being there? I know that's not rational to think, but it's just the kind of life I've lived."

Thurid nods her head then, she doesn't comment further on the sword. "You could, you could." she agrees with becoming a knight again. "Or you could offer your services to the rangers up north, to defend against poachers and the like. Or you could continue your service here. There's many things you could do." she offers. "From what I know of that family, I'm sure they'd welcome you." she says. "I can't be sure you wouldn't make waves, change always comes with disruption, but not all disruption is bad." she offers.

"I could introduce you to where I grew up, too, if you would like. My mother is still a sister there- an Althean cloister outside of the city. Between you and me, I found it much too boring- which is why I wandered off in tow of an itinerant Angorite Warrior." she says, offering a small smile with her mild attempt at humor. "But they're good people. I find, on balance, most are- even if sometimes it needs to be dragged out of them." she settles back into her chair again, which complains, again. "But- like I said, there's no need to make any decisions right now."

Cleiuin laughs a little, but she's smiling at Thurid. "I can see it," she says. "Your family being Althean that is. You have the same caring nature. There's an Althean cleric who visits a cleric here on lunch breaks; they're probably going to be engaged to marry soon. The Althean is a nice man. He's sat with me from time to time."

She sits up in her bed, hanging off the edge as she says, "I'll think about it. Really. That's another part I'm still getting used to... All of the options available to me." Cleiuin smiles at Thurid again. "It feels like I've been trapped for so long. But you and your allies have given me a second chance, and... the world is a wide and open place."

Thurid smiles back, more broadly to see a smile on Cleiuin's face. "The world is vaster than I can even imagine. That's why I like to travel." she says to the other woman. "But when I'm not travelling, if you ever wish to talk- come and find me. I'm told I'm easy to find, but if you have trouble then the colosseum, pubs or Angorite temples are often safe bets." she offers. "Now, I hope you'll bear in mind the things we've talked about today. I know there will be times when the weight of guilt feels heavier, and other times it seems as though you can bear it. But as I said when we begun- it's not weakness to ask for help. It can be a difficult thing, and it often takes more strength to ask for aid than to offer it. And I'm not the only one who will offer it should you ask. When you are feeling up to it, I really do think visiting Auranar and her family would be a good idea. And exploring the city as a whole."

Cleiuin nods a little, smiling still to Thurid's words. She's about to say something, but then a knock comes at the door. "Come in," she says.

The door opens to permit a gnomish cleric of Gilead, who smiles brightly at Cleiuin. "Hey Cleo. It's your turn down in the kitchens--oh hey, a visitor!" she exclaims happily. "Is this a friend of yours?"

Cleiuin looks over at Thurid for just a moment, but then she nods. "Yeah," she says. "Meet Thurid. She saved my life. She's the reason I'm here." And her smile widens all the more on that sentiment. "I guess I gotta go, but it was good seeing you, Thurid."

Thurid stands as someone arrives, and her smile broadens further at being called a friend, and she nods her head at the introductions. "I hear you've been taking good care of my friend since she arrived." she offers the Gnomish cleric. She turns back to Cleiuin, "It was good seeing you, as well, Cleiuin. Come find me any time you want to talk." she says it again- but it's worth repeating. And then she moves to head out and leave her to her duties.